“There are two types of pain in the world. Pain which hurts you and pain that changes you”.
Pain is inevitable in this life and I have had my fair share of battling crippling emotional pain. I’ve faced some of my worst fears coming true, circumstances so out of my control that some days I felt as though I was losing the fight.
The pain would stop me in my tracks and take my breath away. Make me want to shut down, not write, not talk, not be anything but the pain.
Until it hits me that this is a choice. Let the pain hurt me or let it transform me.
There is always that choice.
Sometimes it may not feel as though there isn’t a choice because you can be so in it, but the choice is to fight it and see it differently.
The circumstances that are happening around us are not the cause of the pain. Circumstances are separate from us. The exact same thing can happen to many different people and there will be many reactions. The cause of the pain is the thought that we have in reaction to that situation. It’s our thoughts that are creating pain or joy and this is probably the most frustrating thing to contemplate because how do you control your thoughts?!
When we make the choice to stay in the pain there is a chemical reaction in our brains that actually make us addicted to this pain and we almost thrive on our own misery. This is one of the reason’s people really struggle to pull themselves out of their negativity. They are actually addicted to it!
I was discussing this topic with my good friend who has studied this topic endlessly in her psychology studies and we both agreed that it is near impossible for people to actually control their thoughts. We know this, we could preach it to the cows came home but putting it into practice is really hard!!
I want to share with you my strategies for coping through crisis so hopefully you can make the same choice to fight whatever you may be going through:
Sit in the pain – Feel it. Don’t try and push it down or away. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed of your feelings. Just feel it. Express it. Let it come up and out until you can’t bear it anymore.
Surrender to the pain – this is probably the most powerful step, accepting what is happening and just saying “ok I feel you. This has happened but whatever happens next I trust I will be ok”.
Walk through the pain – Once you have sat in your pain make the choice to move through it. Don’t stay stuck there, get up and walk through it because there is another side to the pain and you won’t see the rainbow if you stay stuck in the rain.
Breathe – It may seem logical but it’s amazing how we forget to breathe. Connect to your breathe and take a few long deep breathes where you feel your belly rising to it’s fullest potential and then breath it all out. When the pain is bad this will really help you.
Replace each negative thought with a positive – You may not be able to stop the negative thoughts, but you can add in a positive one. Read positive books, speak to inspiring people, do whatever you can to have positivity around you because the more you add this into your thought life, the quieter the negativity will be.
EFT – You can read about EFT in my blog post HERE but this is something that always helps when you are really in the depth of it and you are struggling to stay positive. Sometimes we don’t want to help ourselves when we feel this down but you must force yourself to spend at least 5 minutes doing EFT. It really will transform you and help re-wire those negative thoughts.
As much as we can try and be positive sometimes shit just happens and our worst fears really can come true but what I have come to realise is how resilient we can be. Often we automatically go into fear and pain mode but sometimes there is also a survival instinct that can take over to help bring peace. If we really work on training our mind and controlling our thoughts, by making a choice to fight the negative. We really can overcome anything.
Believing in you,